Never Let Go
by Glowbee St. James
Summary: New Directions have placed third at regionals-again. Their withdrawl due to lack of members is blamed on Rachel. Their anger is consumed by guilt when they learn the real reason she was missing that fateful day. Disclaimer-Don't own glee. Character death
1. Chapter 1

The bus ride back to McKinley High was tense, anger and frustration crackling in the air.

Mr. Schuester sat near the front, shocked and defeated. They'd placed third, again. They'd worked too hard not to get first, especially compared to the two teams they were up against.

But their star hadn't been there, and no one could have filled her shoes. Nobody had memorized her songs, her choreography, and they'd had to withdraw.

"If she even thinks about coming to glee on Monday…"

"..kill her!"

"Bitch deserted us…"

"..lost.."

"No more glee.."

He heard snippets of their conversations, all their anger directed to the girl missing.

Rachel had disappeared from rehearsal happily two days before, excitement shining in her eyes at the prospect of a huge first place trophy. After that, she hadn't answered her phone, and still wouldn't. She hadn't logged onto social websites, or posted any new Myspace videos. No one answered the door at her house.

They could have easily beaten the two other teams.

But they only had eleven members.

Mr. Schuester felt a flare of anger in his chest, not knowing how unjust it really was.


	2. Chapter 2

She'd been suffering from the migraines for months.

They'd stop her in her tracks and consume her small body with unbearable pain, until she wanted to die. When people asked, she brushed them off, insisting she was fine. She was Rachel Berry, after all. Nothing had stopped her before, nothing would stop her now.

Soon the aches and pains followed. She was sore after glee, then she was sore after school. Pretty soon she was sore all the time. But she perservered- her dreams and glee were more important.

She started to feel tired all the time. Simply getting out of bed in the morning was a tad difficult. She began oversleeping, not bothering to set her alarm for 6. Soon it was 6:30. Then 7.

It wasn't until she collapsed while getting ready for regionals that she admitted to herself she was sick- very sick. She could barely get up, and, with half her makeup on, she begged her Dads to take her to the hospital.

The car ride was the longest she'd ever taken. She was slipping in and out of consciousness, and her Daddy was screaming at her Dad to drive faster, clutching her hand and shaking her gently when her eyelids slipped and the world went black.

The doctors in the ER rushed her to a room and quickly hooked her up to an IV and drew blood samples.

"Regionals," she rasped desperately, eyes wide with despair as she stared imploringly into her Dad's eyes. He shook his head.

"You're not going anywhere."

Then she slipped back under the black tide of sleep.

"Rachel? Rachel? Can you open your eyes honey? Your test results are back..."

Her eyelids fluttered open blearily, and she felt great. She hadn't slept that well in, well, months.

"Thank _god!_" she cried, sitting up triumphantly.

"Can we leave now? I need to get to regionals- it starts in-"

She glanced at her Fathers' faces, which were patchy and their eyes rimmed red, then the clock. Her mouth went dry.

"No," she whispered.

"No, _no_, _**no**_!"

Regionals had ended approximately three hours ago.

The handsome male doctor regarded her sadly, like he regretted relaying this information.

"Rachel, you have a cancerous tumor a few inches above your brain stem. It's very far gone, we can't really do anything."

She blinked, speechless. She couldn't have cancer. She was Rachel Berry. She was invincible.

"H-how long do I have?" she managed to choke out. The doctor looked down.

"With treatment? Six months. Without, four."

"What's your opinion? Should I go through treatment?"

He sighed.

"It would only extend your life expectancy by two months, and the treatment options are either slightly painful or unpleasant… In my personal opinion, I would just go on living life like I had before. Obviously it would be harder, physically demanding, and you'd be a lot more delicate, but it would be more pleasurable than coming in every second day for medication and needles."

She nodded slowly, and looked to her dads.

"I'm not going to do treatment. Can I still go to school?"

The doctor nodded.

"We'll keep you overnight, and tomorrow you're free to leave."


	3. Chapter 3

There were complications overnight, landing Rachel a week long stay in the hospital. She was restless, not being allowed to leave the hospital bed. Her dads brought her her laptop, but it sat, unused, on her bedside table. She didn't have the courage to face her friends, even on the internet. It made it all too real.

She was still waiting to wake up on the morning of regionals, in perfect health.

She could dream.

The doctors practically forced her to eat meat. They informed her being vegan would be unwise in her situation, and since she wasn't going to undergo treatment, she figured it was the least she could do for her dads. Buy them a little more time with her.

Or buy her a little more time for herself.

She was scared to death- of dying, of never fulfilling her dreams, of never going to nationals.

Nationals.

She winced and a pang of guilt hit her in the gut. She'd probably cost her team regionals. A little voice in the back of her head told her it wasn't her fault, she had a good reason. She realized how true the little voice was and sighed in relief. Her team would forgive her.

But would she forgive herself?

She frowned and mulled over the question, then picked up her cellphone and dialed..

She hadn't shown up for school that week.

New Directions were gathered in the choir room for what they thought was the last time. It was quiet as Mr. Schuester walked in, grinning like a fool.

He sat down on his stool and locked eyes with each of his students.

"It was a miracle, you guys. Someone just anonymously donated a pile of cash to New Direction's budget! We get one more chance, and this time, we'll take regionals _and _nationals!"

Sounds of victory and celebration reverberated in the room, and as they died down, a more serious subject was addressed.

"Mr. Schue, where's Rachel?" Brittany asked.

The teacher shrugged.

"No one really knows. She hasn't been here all week."

"Good, maybe she won't come back."

"Hopefully."

Snickers filled the air as they laughed at little Rachel jokes.

Puck didn't understand why, but something didn't feel right. He wasn't some goody two shoes, but making fun of Rachel right now didn't feel kosher. He wore a small, quiet frown for the rest of 'rehearsal', then drove directly to Rachel's house.

No one answered the door. Again.

Something was wrong- he could feel it.


	4. Chapter 4

Her dads made her sit in the wheelchair until they reached their SUV. She rolled her eyes and protested, but they had insisted she was too weak to walk.

"I'm going to school, and I'm not going to be in a wheelchair then!" she informed them, as they pushed her back down into the stupid contraption. Not that she had anything against people in wheelchairs- she just didn't need one. They groaned and grudgingly gave the wheelchair back to the hospital. The rest of the car ride home was tense and silent.

She stayed in her bedroom for the remainder of Sunday, walking around idly and staring in the mirror.

Her eyes were rimmed red and had purplish bags underneath them. She was paler than usual, and her clothes were getting baggier each day. When she pulled off her sweater she could see her spine under her skin, and pale bruises dappling her shoulders, arms, and back.

She ran a warm bath and sat in it for hours, knees pulled in close to her body, desperately trying to keep herself from falling apart.

Monday morning she let herself sleep until seven, then pulled on her clothes. She prayed people wouldn't notice the bruises around her knees and thighs as she pulled on a skirt that had previously been too small, a plain white v-necked tee shirt, and an extremely baggy red cardigan. She let her hair fall curly down her back, and ignored her wavy bangs. She surprised her dads when she ate bacon. It was kosher, or course, but it was meat. She'd decided last night to give up being vegan, until she went into remission.

She was fooling herself, and it was working.

They'd tried to get her to let one of them drive her to school, but she hitched her bag higher on her shoulder and insisted she could do it. She wasn't showing up for school in a silver SUV when she had her cherry roadster to drive.

She was struggling with multiple textbooks and reduced strength when they bombarded her.

Three red slushies, covered her from head to toe, and she hadn't thought to bring a change of clothes. She miserably shed the red sweater and a couple of the jocks gasped as the bruises on her arms showed.

"Woah Gleek, who finally gave you a beat down?"

It hurt, inside and out. The iciness from the slushie affected her a great deal more now- she was more sensitive to temperatures. She felt like snapping cancer, but she ignored him, trying to stop the tears pooling in her eyes. He noticed, and looked awkward as he shuffled away, his neandrethal friends following stupidly.

She found a three quarter sleeve sweater in her locker, and quickly pulled it on over the stained shirt, wiping away the tears. She threw out her socks and went to the bathroom to wash off her shoes.

She was drained when she finally reached the bathroom, and collapsed, unable to move. She curled up and sobbed, letting the hopelessness of her situation wash over her. Sometime during what felt like the hours she'd been there, she felt someone shake her awake.

"Rachel? Rachel! Are you okay?"

Her eyes fluttered open weakly, and a scared Ms. Pillsbury was crouching over her.

"Um, lets get you to the nurse..."

With Ms. Pillsbury supporting her, she managed to get to the little office. When the teacher turned to leave, she grabbed her hand.

"Could you stay with me?" she asked quietly. Emma looked down at the pale, small girl and bit her lip.

"What happened to you Rachel?"

Rachel smiled sadly, and closed her eyes. It was time to tell the first person.

"Cancer."


	5. Chapter 5

**RECAP & A/N;**

Thanks for the reviews you guys! So nice to see people like the story :). Since there's interest in it I'll continue! (Not like I wouldn't have if there wasn't xD).

So far; Rachel has been diagnosed with brain cancer and has four to six months to live, Glee club is pissed off that she wasn't there for regionals, which they lost. Again.

Puck thinks something is wrong, but only Ms. Pillsbury knows.

Why do bad things always happen when she's at her locker?

Ms. Pillsbury made her skip glee because she'd collapsed (Not really a valid reason, in her books- it wouldn't have stopped Barbra Streisand or Idina Menzel!), and now she was looking forward to it and dreading it. She'd finally be able to sing and dance and move around- a week under bed rest had left her longing for it- but she had to tell them the truth. Why she hadn't been at regionals.

That scared her.

It was admitting it was reality, that she would never win a Tony, or an Emmy or a Grammy. That she'd be in a coffin, pale and cold, in the next year. She shuddered at the thought of her corpse and pulled her sweater closer, remembering the counseling session yesterday…

"_Rachel, how long have you known this?"_

"_A week. I've been in the hospital. I kinda collapsed while getting ready for regionals, then had complications and was put on bed rest. Which sucked."_

"_Okay, well, what treatment are you undergoing."_

_I bit my lip and looked away._

"_None. Any treatment would have decreased my happiness and only would have bought me a couple months. I'd rather be happy for a shorter time than miserable for a longer time."_

_Ms. Pillsbury was silent, her mouth opened slightly, eyes shining with moisture. She was thinking of how angry Will had been with the little brunette for missing their last shot at a title._

"_Rachel, do you know anything about the anonymous donation? Glee gets another year. It's really really lucky! You can go back and win again.."_

_I shook my head sadly._

"_Nah, I won't be there for it. Maybe I can watch from up there, but I'll never compete again. And Ms. Pillsbury?"_

_I looked up desperately._

"_Please don't tell anyone."_

Then they swooped in.

"Hello, _Rachel_." Mercedes spat angrily.

"How are you feeling? Hope you aren't too worn out from your week off school. Trying to escape the fact you lost us regionals?"

I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, but I can explain-"

"No, we don't want to hear you excuses! We're sick and tired of you doing shit like this Rachel! You were angry you didn't get a solo so you skipped."

It was Finn. My boyfriend, Finn, accusing me wrongfully.

"Finn, I really didn't care about not getting a solo, as my boyfriend I-"

"Yes, you did. And you let us down! I'm not your boyfriend anymore Rach!" he shouted angrily, and they stalked off. I leaned against my locker for support and burst into tears.

My friends had deserted me. I was totally alone.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: This chapter makes the T rating for Puck's language- Just a heads up x). Sorry it took so long to update! Hope this was worth the wait..

Puck had been watching from his locker across the hall. He saw their cold stares and heard their harsh words. He punched his locker when they walked away. What kind of dumb shits were they? He could see the bruises and how thin she was now. Her skin was even paler than normal, and the dark circles under her eyes rivaled those freaky vampires in that move she'd forced him to watch a billion times when they were dating. Midnight or some shit like that. He didn't even think when she burst into tears- he strode through the swarm of people and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't fight back. He figured she was too upset to bother.

"You look like shit Berry," he told her, rubbing her back as she sobbed into his chest.

"Oh, shut up Noah."

He grinned and squeezed her tightly.

"There's the annoying diva we all know and hate."

Suddenly she went all limp in his arms and he freaked out.

"Berry?" He looked down, frowning, and saw her even paler than before, eyes closed. He freaked out.

"Rachel!" He shook her and her eyelids fluttered open.

"N-Noah? Do you have anything to eat?"

"The fuck Rachel! Are you on one of those lame ass purging diet things?"

"No! Nothing like that. It's…worse…" she mumbled before her eyes slid shut again.

"Goddamnit!" He hissed, grabbing one of her legs and attempting to pick her up. He finally (clumsily) got both legs over one arm, and walked quickly and blindly in the direction he thought the nurse's office was, pushing people out of his way. He saw the little red cross on the frosted glass door and ran to it, bursting in on the nurse taking some freshman kids temperature.

"She- she just fainted and now she unconscious, and I don't know what to do!" he told her frantically. The nurse pursed her lips and led him to the back room, where he set Rachel down on an uncomfortable looking cot.

"Is she gonna be okay?" he asked quietly. The old nurse nodded.

"She probably forgot to take her iron supplements this morning. Her platelet count was getting better, but I have a strong suspicion it's dropped again..."

"Platelet? The fuck is going on?"

"Young man, don't swear at me! If she wants to tell you what's going on it's her choice!" the nurse snapped,

"What do you _mean_ what's going on!" he roared again. What the fuck was going on?

The nurse shot him a sympathetic glance and walked away. He considered kicking something, but there was only this metal shelf thing that looked like it would break his foot.

He sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair by the bed for like, a year and a half, before she finally showed any signs of life. In the form of sitting up and stretching.

"Did I pass out again?" she mumbled, yawning.

"The hell do you mean again?" he demanded.

"What the hell is going on Rachel? The nurse was talking about iron and platelets, and I don't have a fucking clue what that means."

Her head snapped in his direction, face pale with shock this time.

"Y-you.. Shit.."

"Yeah, shit is right, What the _fuck _is going on!"

She took a deep breath, and let the truth spill out, along with the tears.

She regretted it the second he stormed out.

"NOAH!" she screamed, sliding out of the bed, feeling slightly queasy.

"Noah, come back here!"


End file.
